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Joke of the week # 180

I backed horse last week at ten to one. It came in at quarter past four.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other – you drive I’ll man the guns.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

‘Doc, I can’t stop singing the green green grass of home. ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’. ‘Is it common?’ ‘It’s not unusual.’

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.